


For the Heart of a Star

by Ineffable lawr (LawrVert), Tarek_giverofcookies



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Pre-Fall AU, Sad Ending, Sensuality, Very brief sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29375835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LawrVert/pseuds/Ineffable%20lawr, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarek_giverofcookies/pseuds/Tarek_giverofcookies
Summary: Far above the newly born earth, Raphael shapes the ether. The Almighty is so pleased with his creations that she appoints him Chief Starmaker and awards the rank of Archangel. The other archangels become jealous of his advancement that defies centuries of angelic hierarchy and tradition. Raphael finds a kindred spirit after a chance meeting with Aziraphale and together, they discover the wonder of his creation and forbidden angelic love.  Already on Heaven’s bad side for his inquisitive mind and new status, Raphael risks losing everything.Art created by the wonderful Tarek_giverofcookies!
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 7
Collections: Do It With Style Good Omens Reverse Bang





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was the result of an interest in astrophotography and stargazing. While I have done research on stars and deep space objects like nebulae, I have taken a lot of liberties with science and physics. The ending of this is sad, but if there is enough interest in a sequel or additional Chapter, there may be a continuation. 
> 
> Special thanks to @elf_on_the_shelf for beta help and Tarek for the lovely artwork and beta help as well!
> 
> Thank you to the mods for all their hard work organizing this wonderful event!

Far above the world of men, a being of light molded the ether with sweeping motions of long-fingered, nimble hands like the motions of a conductor, filling the void with glowing clouds of dust that swirled and drifted to coalesce into a star. Its glow was fragile and tenuous as the first cries of a newborn babe at first, then with his encouragement, it became incandescent, filling that void in the heavens with light. A gust stirred long copper-colored ringlets, and he felt a rush of pride as he lowered his hands that glowed with a fine powder of starstuff in the darkness. In the moments when he shaped the stars, his eyes shone like the golden stones of Aztec cities yet unbuilt. The starmaker watched the star for a few more moments then whispered encouragement in angelic language. “There. That’s it. Go on. Take your place.” With a sweeping gesture of one hand, he guided the star to its home, somewhere in a constellation that would become Orion’s belt, watching as the ball of light he had held in the palm of his hand became one of the brightest stars in the heavens. There was a real art to the way stars were made in the beginning, no prefabrication on a warehouse floor, just a being, shaping the ether with his own hands and consciousness. While there were other starmakers, Raphael was the only one who knew every one by name even before the humans named them. 

Raphael was old enough to remember the void, the vast cold nothingness that was so terribly lonely and stark. Perhaps that loneliness was in harmony with the heart of its creator who would be called by thousands of names over the years whispered, shouted, cursed, and blessed. He felt her presence approaching, all-encompassing and grand, and somehow, he thought, weary. He fell to his knees but felt himself lifted up as if he were a child who had fallen down and scraped his knee. “My child, what have you made for me?” The voice was like the roaring of a fire and the whisper of the wind. It was everywhere and nowhere all at once. 

“It is a star--small but bright, mother.” Raphael stood awaiting her approval, all nervous energy and twitching fingers. 

“It is one of the most beautiful stars I have ever seen. One day, I would like to give it a special honor. It will mark the place that my son is born.” 

Raphael frowned in confusion. “That is an honor indeed, but I thought _we_ were your children?” 

“You are, Beloved, but this child will be different.” The angel felt a soft warmth against his cheek as if a mother’s hand rested there.

Raphael shook his head, not understanding and wanting to ask more questions, but knowing he shouldn’t risk angering her. He had a curious mind, a characteristic that was an asset in a starmaker but a danger in an angel. 

  
  


Walking down one of Heaven’s corridors on the way back from a planning meeting, Raphael saw a beautiful angel holding a scroll and fretting. His movements were so harried, he was likely to wear a hole in the pristine floors of Heaven if he carried on. Raphael recognized the angel, Aziraphale, and had often admired him when he passed by during holy regiment training exercises. Although everything about the angel implied softness, he was rather deadly wielding a flaming sword, and though he chose not to fight unless he had too, he would always win in sparring matches. Raphael thought of him as a sword sheathed in a bejeweled and satin scabbard. 

“Hello--are you alright? I think you’re doing an excellent job of polishing the floor,” Raphael chuckled warmly, teasing in an easy manner without being cruel. 

“What?!? Yes, of course I’m alright. Why wouldn’t I be?” The angel’s blond curls were tousled and his cheeks ruddy. In a moment, he realized the sharpness of his tone and quickly apologized. “Oh, my dear boy, please forgive me.” 

“Of course,” Raphael replied, rather amused by this angel’s unangelic behavior. “Rough day?” 

“They--Gabriel--they gave me a bloody reprimand. Me? A _Principality_.” Aziraphale tutted and shook his head. 

“Gabriel--he’s a bit--” Raphael searched for words that wouldn’t get him accused of heresy, finally settling on, “Stern.” 

“What was the reprimand for?” Raphael couldn’t imagine the angel before him doing anything to warrant heavenly discipline. 

“Well, I might have modified my armor to be--more comfortable.” The angel shrugged. “It’s horridly heavy and not at all flattering so--I--used a miracle to improve it. I just changed the color a bit, added a bit more padding.” 

“You did what?” Raphael laughed, the sound warm and deep. He didn’t remember how long it had been since he laughed so hard. “That wasn’t what I was expecting.” 

Aziraphale frowned at him. “It isn’t funny. That reprimand goes in my permanent file.” 

“Don’t worry so much, Aziraphale. Almost everyone has gotten a reprimand. Gabriel’s famous for them. I know something that might make you feel better if you have some time.” 

“I hardly know you, Starmaker.” The angel only half-heartedly protested, and Raphael could tell he was eager for a diversion. 

“Raphael. And you’re Aziraphale. Now, we know each other. Let’s get out of here.” Raphael winked at him, and started off down the hall at a rapid pace, Aziraphale close behind. 

“Where exactly are we going?” Aziraphale looked around skeptically as Raphael opened a door no different than any other white door leading to one of Heaven’s many offices. When the door opened and Raphael stepped aside, Aziraphale’s blue eyes were wide, the light of hundreds of stars reflected in them. 

“The star making floor,” Raphael ushered him into the vast heavenly expanse. 

“Oh--it’s beautiful,” Aziraphale whispered. 

“I stay safe from most of the politics of heaven out here. I’m usually free to do as I please as long as I make my quota.” Raphael smiled and watched the angel explore his workshop. Aziraphale asked him all sorts of questions about his work and seemed delighted by everything he saw.

Leading him over to a glowing orb of light, Raphael glanced around to make sure they wouldn’t be disturbed for a few moments. 

“What is that?” Aziraphale reached out as if to touch the light, then withdrew his hand. 

“The heart of a star.” Raphael smiled to himself, “Capable of incinerating matter.” He turned toward the angel who was grasping his hands and looked a bit pale. 

“Oh, don’t worry. It can’t hurt an angel.” Raphael chuckled. “But--it will get rid of a heavenly reprimand.” 

“You’re not suggesting that I--that we--” Aziraphale shook his head. “No, no, no. Absolutely not. I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” Raphael watched him for a moment, feeling strangely disappointed. Then, after a moment, the angel asked. “Noone would know if I were to--” he made a throwing motion with his hand. 

“Not a soul,” Raphael assured him. “On the count of three?” 

Before they got to three, Aziraphale tossed the reprimand into the core where it produced a satisfying explosion of color and light as it was incinerated. For a moment, Aziraphale looked around anxiously as if he expected one of the Archangels to suddenly appear. Then, he grinned, eyes sparkling with mischievousness. “Oh! That feels much better!” 

Raphael stood next to the dying star that expanded and brightened every day, growing more beautiful, but more unstable. He had tried everything; coaxing it, manipulating the atoms at its core, giving it some of his own celestial energy, yet nothing was working. “What’s wrong? Please, quiet your heart. You aren’t _so_ old. It seems only a heartbeat ago that I made you.” 

The star was in truth millions of years old and one of his first, but what was a million years to an angel? Saddened and weary, he cried out to his creator for help. “Mother?!? Tell me what I must do? I have tried everything that I know. I have given this star my love, but nothing will stop it from changing.” 

His Creator stood before him, a sad weariness in her voice. “The star is dying, Raphael. Nothing can stop that.” 

“But why, Mother? Why does it have to die? Can’t you stop it?” He begged her on his knees, golden droplets falling from his eyes, one slender arm trying to shield his face from her all-knowing gaze. 

“Everything must die in time. Every star must fade.” A warm wind stirred up, brushing his tears away. 

“But why? If you are the Creator then please save it!” The angel’s voice broke and he bowed his head. 

“That’s enough, Raphael. No more questions, child.” The wind stirred up this time icy cold, tearing at his clothes and hair. 

“Yes, mother. I’m sorry.” Standing back up, knees still weak, Raphael stumbled back to the star to hold a vigil. 

* * *

  
  


“Oh, my dear boy. Could nothing be done, then?” Aziraphale asked, placing a gentle hand on Raphael’s shoulder. The familiar round face smiling kindly broke him out of his sad reverie for a moment and he shook his head. 

“No. She wouldn’t help me.” Raphael still wept for the star as it grew brighter and brighter, bursting with light, the fires raging in its core barely contained. 

“I’m so sorry. She must have her reasons.” Aziraphale replied. “Perhaps I could sit with you. So you aren’t alone--when the end comes.” He reached out and offered his hand and Raphael looked at it a moment before taking it, utterly puzzled by the gesture. Their fingers fit together so perfectly and the angel’s smaller hand was soft and warm in his own. The gesture was strange but so terribly comforting. 

“Are you sure you want to stay?” Raphael asked, golden eyes narrowed in concern. “Have you ever seen a star die?” 

“No--I haven’t. Principalities, well, we don’t often think about the stars. Not like starmakers do, anyhow. I’ve always admired what you do. Putting lights in the heavens.” The angel’s smile was so open and kind. It lit up his entire face and made the fine lines at the corners of his eyes crinkle. 

“It can take billions of years, but this one is very close to its end. Stars shine the brightest--just before--” Raphael gestured helplessly, voice breaking with sorrow. 

“I shall wait with you no matter how long it takes,” Aziraphale promised, moving a bit closer. 

A sea of flames roiled and raged inside the heart of the dying star, the core no longer able to fight against the pressure the Universe exerted on it. Finally, there was a moment of silence then a great cataclysm as the star ended its death throes and exploded in light and color. The flash was so bright that Aziraphale turned away from it and Raphael mantled his wings around the angel to shield him. For a long while they remained frozen like that, the only sound the movement of the star’s remains. 

“Is it--is it over?” Aziraphale asked anxiously. 

“Yes, all that’s left is a dwarf star now. It was one of my first.” Raphael flew closer to the faintly flickering light, looking back at Aziraphale’s face. He seemed mesmerized by the graceful motions of Raphael’s hands as he created towering columns of color and light from the ruins of the star. 

“What are you doing now?” Aziraphale asked, moving a bit closer to him. 

“I won’t let this star die in vain. The death of this one star will birth a thousand more.” 

“It’s incredible. One of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.” Raphael’s cheeks warmed at the look of absolute wonder in the angel’s wide blue eyes. 

“It’s not bad,” Raphael said with a small, self-deprecatory smile. 

“What will you call it?” Aziraphale asked. 

“Nothing too complicated. The Orion Nebula.” Aziraphale smiled and shyly took his hand. “I’ve been placed in charge of creating a few things on Earth too. Would you like to see some of my designs?” 

“Please,” Crowley answered, summoning a cloud for them to rest on. 

“Now, these are just rough sketches. Gabriel isn’t keen on most of them, mind you, but the Almighty gave her approval.” 

“Relax, Aziraphale. I’d love to see them.” Aziraphale unrolled the scrolls and showed him a curious creature with a long snout, a tongue hanging out, and a long body. The expression on the animal’s face was not unlike the angel’s own smile. 

“It’s nice, but what is it?” Raphael asked, turning the scroll sideways. 

“It’s a dog. I have about a hundred more designs for it. This is just a prototype.” Encouraged by the praise, the angel finally began to relax enough to tell him more about his work. “It’s meant to be man’s best friend, a sort of comfort to him. I imagine they are loyal creatures and quite affectionate.” 

“It’s very good. Can you show me another one?” 

Aziraphale’s gaze flickered coyly from Raphael’s eyes to the scroll. “Well, I suppose if you insist.” The angel unrolled the scroll and showed him another design, a pleasant-looking sea creature with a long nose that appeared to be perpetually smiling. 

“What’s this one?” Raphael asked. 

“I call this a dolphin.” The angel grinned, the blue eyes sparkling in the most endearing way.

“Something about it just makes me feel, I dunno, sort of happy,” Raphael answered. 

“Oh, wonderful! That’s just what I was going for.” Aziraphale wiggled on the cloud, a sign he was exceedingly happy. 

* * *

There was a rather large group of angels assembled in the halls of heaven for the ceremony. Several of them had rather sour expressions on their faces, especially Gabriel and Sandalphon, who had never really liked the starmakers. For the most part, they wore polite expressions, but Raphael could see from their clenched jaws and hands clasped tightly in front of them that they were hardly pleased. 

Raphael knelt in front of the Almighty’s towering throne and waited as she spoke in a voice that filled every corner of the chamber. “Raphael, you are Blessed among my Starmakers. Never have I seen such talent.” 

Raphael felt the heat of a blush creeping into his cheeks again, humbled by the accolades and attention. “Thank you, Mother.” He bowed his head even lower, allowing his face to be hidden by a curtain of hair. 

There was a flash of amusement from the almighty at his embarrassment. “I have a gift for you, Raphael.” 

A mighty wind stirred up in the room, and several bright lights and colorful wisps of clouds floated to hover above Raphael’s head. Looking up in wonder, he watched as they wove themselves into a mantle of light and color that hovered above him then floated down to rest upon his shoulders. 

“It’s beautiful, mother,” he whispered with a gasp. 

“Rise, Chief Starmaker, beloved among angels and new Archangel” Ears burning, Raphael stood up, the glow of the mantle making his hair shine brighter than the sun. He imagined he should say something, words of inspiration or gratitude, but all words seemed insignificant. Never known for his being naturally eloquent, Raphael only managed to choke out “I am glad my creations pleased you.” 

* * *

After the ceremony, there was a reception that Raphael couldn’t wait to leave. He found making small talk with the other angels exhausting and was just about to take his leave when Gabriel stopped him. 

“Ah, the man of the hour. Tell me, how did you pull it off?” Gabriel’s smile resembled that of a crocodile that has just spotted its next meal. 

“I--ngk--what do you mean?” Raphael answered, genuinely clueless. 

“Gaining her favor of course.” Gabriel clapped his shoulder a bit harder than necessary

“I was just doing my job,” Raphael replied with a shrug, noting that Sandalphon, Gabriel’s right hand had appeared on his other side, almost boxing him in. 

“We’ll have to visit your workshop one day. See the great starmaker at work,” Sandalphon said with a flourish of his hands, the gold cross on his front teeth glinting in the light when he smiled. 

“Yeah, sure. Anytime,” Raphael answered a bit too quickly. Gabriel and Sandalphon were dangerous as were most of the archangels. You certainly didn’t want to be on their bad sides. They had been involved with several disappearances of angels in the last few months. No one knew where they had gone, they simply were there at their posts one day and gone the next without a trace. 

Michael approached next, their long hair pulled up in a sleek chignon, flecks of gold painted on their cheeks. Grateful to them for rescuing him even if unintentionally, Raphael smiled and inclined his head. “Hello, Michael.” 

“Raphael--I love your work with nebulae. The last one--what was it--Orion? It was absolutely stunning, darling.” 

Uriel approached too now and stepped up to shake his hand. “Congratulations, starmaker. 

“Enjoy this while it lasts. It isn’t often that an angel of your station receives such accolades.” 

“I’m honored by the Almighty’s decision,” Raphael replied, remaining impassive, not allowing the thinly-veiled insults to get under his skin.

“You won’t keep her favor. Your kind never do. And we’ll be watching you closely, waiting for you to make a mistake,” Uriel sipped pure holy water from a golden chalice and shot him a contemptuous glare.

Raphael pondered the most polite response for a moment. Standing up to archangels was tantamount to insubordination in Heaven. Thankfully, Gabriel spoke up before he had to make an excuse.

“Well, we have pressing business to attend to. Let’s leave our starmaker to celebrate,” Gabriel said, squeezing Raphael’s shoulder almost hard enough to leave a bruise. 

* * *

  
  


“Chief Starmaker. I don’t imagine you’ll still want to be friends with a lowly angel like me.” It was the first time Aziraphale hadn’t smiled, in fact, he was rather pouting, and Raphael knew he would do anything to bring that smile back. 

“Of course I do, Aziraphale. Would you like to fly with me? Stretch our wings a bit?” 

“I’d like that very much.” Aziraphale stretched his wings to their full extent dazzling Raphael with the pearlescent white feathers. 

“I’m still the same Raphael. Just with a pretty shawl,” he laughed and spread his own wings. ” He hovered a few feet in the air and then took off for the stars with a great flapping of his wings. 

Following him closely, Aziraphale smiled, rolling his neck. “Oh, that’s better. I haven’t flown for quite some time.” Aziraphale slowed and turned to face him with a smile. “It was a lovely ceremony, dear boy.” 

“The archangels didn’t think so. Gabriel’s got it out for me.” Raphael frowned. 

“Oh, do be careful, Avenging angels can be relentless.” Aziraphale clasped his hands in front of him unnaturally tightly, fingers digging into his palms. 

“”They said they’re going to be watching and waiting for me to fail. I have a target on my back.” Raphael shook his head. “I don’t want status. I just want to keep making stars. It’s all I’m good at.” 

“Then you will. For eons to come. And I can look up and see your stars and feel you right beside me whenever I look at them.” In a moment Raphael was wholly unprepared for, Aziraphale reached out and took his hand. Raphael gawked for a moment at their intertwined fingers as warmth seeped into his hand and traveled up his arm to his core. 

“I----ngk----You won’t forget me then? Even if you get busy with Earth? Even if--if something happens?” Raphael smiled softly, thumb gently brushing the back of Aziraphale’s hand. 

“Never.” Aziraphale smiled and they flew onward towards Orion together.

* * *

When Gabriel came to visit Raphael a few days later, he arrived with a smile on his face wearing a rather comical armored helmet. Instead of knocking or announcing his presence, he waited until he was right behind the starmaker to say, “So--this is where the magic happens. I expected--something different.” 

Raphael turned and forced a polite if uneasy smile. “Afraid there isn’t a lot of fancy tech in my department. Just the raw matter of creation.” The starmaker’s eyes shifted up to the abomination resting on Gabriel’s head. “Nice hat.” 

Gabriel tugged at the epaulets on his robe and for a moment, his smile faltered. “Safety, first.” 

“You won’t need it here. The forces involved in starmaking can’t hurt angelic beings.” 

“Thank God because this thing gives me terrible helmet hair,” Gabriel said, removing it and sending it elsewhere with a flick of his hand. 

Raphael snorted and had to hide his face in one of his work orders. “I thought you lot--archangels rather liked wearing elaborate armor and robes.” 

The sarcasm eluded Gabriel and he muttered, “Those are really only ceremonial.” 

“Well, would you like to take a look at some of my creations?” Raphael waved a hand and what appeared to be a giant viewscreen dissolved, allowing them access to walk among the heavens. 

“Alright,” Gabriel shrugged, the bored expression on his face indicating he had no legitimate interest. Raphael knew this visit was only an excuse to spy on him, make sure nothing untoward was going on, but he doubted even someone as cynical as Gabriel could deny the wonder of newly born stars. 

“This is Alpha Centauri.” The starmaker smiled and pointed to the binary system. “Very rare and one of Her favorites. “I designed several of the major stars in that system.” 

Gabriel’s violet eyes widened, and for a rare and unguarded moment, Gabriel actually appeared surprised.

Following him back into the workshop, Gabriel muttered. “A pointless exercise really as starmaking will become obsolete once the Almighty finishes with her new construction project.” 

“What?” Raphael asked, trying to remain impassive while the words burned his heart like acid. 

“I’ve said too much already, but everyone will soon be needed for work on the Earth. Re-allocation of resources.” 

“But why? I thought the Almighty loved the stars?” Raphael fought to keep his expression impassive even though a battle raged inside his heart. 

“Not my department. You’d have to ask her,” Gabriel muttered with a dismissive answer. 

“But I shouldn’t bother her. She doesn’t like questions.” Raphael moved away from Gabriel to check a stack of orders, noting that this week’s pile was noticeably smaller. 

“Nonsense! You’re her chief Starmaker. She encourages her higher-ranking angels to ask questions.” 

Raphael turned back to look at Gabriel whose expression was entirely neutral. “You really think she wouldn’t mind? I have so many.” 

“Be not afraid. Go for it, Raphael,” Gabriel said with a grin and clapped him on his shoulder as he turned to leave. 

He stopped by a star in its initial stages of formation and poked at it a few times with a look of disgust, muttering, “Hmm.” 

As he left the room, Raphael watched as the star turned suddenly from a healthy star into an unstable neutron star. He shifted atoms and attempted to manipulate clouds of ether, but it wouldn’t stabilize, no matter what he did. Eventually, he dissolved the star back into ether and started the process from the beginning. Even a moment of Gabriel’s interference had corrupted the process entirely. 


	2. Chapter 2

There was a rather tentative knock on his door, a few hours into his placement of stars in the Andromeda galaxy. “Yes?” Raphael called, voice breaking a bit from the sudden spike in adrenaline at the thought Gabriel might be breathing down his neck again. 

“It’s me, Aziraphale. May I come in please, Raphael?” 

Every harsh line of worry on the starmaker’s face softened on hearing that endearing voice. 

"Aziraphale? Of course." He smiled and walked to the door to meet him. 

Aziraphale carried a basket in his arms. "I brought something for you to try from the Earth." 

Raphael chuckled. "Already bringing back contraband from Earth?" 

"Well--ah--the thing is--I intend to destroy this contraband and for you to help me." 

Raphael raised an eyebrow. "What a rebel you are." 

"You be quiet. It's not rebellion if we're testing items for the humans. It’s quality control." Aziraphale tutted and frowned. "Well, perhaps we should enjoy these elsewhere?" 

"I know just the place." Raphael finished his paperwork and filed it away before offering his arm to the angel. 

* * *

They flew together to a small asteroid around Rigel and settled down together. "Yes, I think this spot will do nicely. Raphael," Aziraphale snapped his fingers to miracle several plush cushions into existence, then, wiggled happily as he joined him, folding his wings primly at his back. He glanced around furtively, although, there was no one likely to be out so far from the main building of Head Office. Opening the basket with a look in his eye like a child caught shaking his presents from Father Christmas, he pulled out a plate with several objects. The first was a group of red heart-shaped objects. “These are strawberries,” The angel said, holding one to his cheek and closing his eyes as he inhaled the scent. “The first strawberries from the Garden of Eden.” 

“Nice. What do you do with them exactly?” Raphael took the one he was offered and examined it closely, contemplating the tiny seeds and the green star-shaped stem. 

Aziraphale leaned forward, flashing a bright and utterly disarming smile. “You eat them.” He lifts one and takes a bite, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh. “Oh, they’re scrumptious.” 

Raphael watched him, heat pooling in his cheeks. “Angels don’t really need to eat.” 

“No, but someone has to perform quality control in Eden. The humans will be there soon enough, and the Almighty wants everything to be perfect. “Here, try one.” Aziraphale held out a strawberry, and Raphael bit into it, the sweet juicy center quite at odds with the texture of its outsides. “Not bad.” 

“There are other fruits down there--pears, oranges, mangoes. I consulted on those.” Aziraphale reached into the basket and pulled out an orange and yellowish fruit with a thick skin. “You must tell me what you think.” 

Without waiting, Raphael took the mango and bit into it, frowning at the thick skin and trying to spit it out without offending Aziraphale. 

“Oh, dear. You have to take the skin off. Reaching into the pockets of his robes, Aziraphale pulled out his flaming sword and concentrated, peeled and sliced the fruit. 

Raphael laughed, joy and gentle humor bubbling up inside him. “Well, I don’t think that’s how Heaven imagined you’d use it when they issued it to you.” 

“What? It’s ever so useful,” Aziraphale bristled as he tucked the sword away and ate three slices of the sweet fruit. Before handing a slice to Raphael, he licked the juices from his fingers causing Raphael to look away and clear his throat. After trying the fruit, he had to admit that it was actually unexpectedly pleasant, if a bit sweet for his tastes. “It’s very good,” He reassured the angel who was quite intently watching him. 

“Oh, I’m so glad. It’s very important that the humans are comfortable there and have enough to eat. Not the apples, though. Word is, the Almighty has one apple tree that is forbidden.” 

“Why would the Almighty put a tree in the garden that’s forbidden. Isn’t that just asking for trouble?” Raphael shook his head. 

“Well, I imagine she trusts the humans not to disobey.” Aziraphale waved a hand, cleaning up their leftovers and sending the basket away. 

“I hope that works out alright for her.” Raphael realized some of Lucifer’s cynicism seemed to be creeping into his ideologies, and he quickly reined himself in. It was very difficult to be cynical with such a charming angel sitting close and sharing sweet fruits, his juice-stained lips looking utterly inviting. “You have a bit of fruit-just here,” Raphael whispered, reaching out with his thumb to brush Aziraphale’s lips. 

“Oh, my,” the angel whispered, his cheeks taking on the deep red of strawberries. “Thank you. That was terribly kind of you.” With a soft smile, he leaned in closer, the gentle brush of the soft fingers feeling more wonderful than flying on the back of a comet. Aziraphale was leaning closer too now, and the scent of strawberries and the damp earth of the new world overwhelmed Raphael’s senses. This close, he could see the golden brown flecks in the wide, sparkling eyes that were neither hazel or blue but something in between. The color shifted, perhaps like the colors of the Magellanic cloud. Aziraphale leaned even closer, then pressed his lips against Raphael’s. The starmaker closed his eyes, angelic love and radiance seeping into his body from their joined lips. It was an extraordinary feeling, though also a bit like diving off the side of an uninhabited planet and free falling through the stars. 

The moment was over far too quickly, leaving both of them at a loss for words. “Bloody hell,” Raphael muttered. “What was that?” 

“My dear boy, I do believe that was a kiss, a way of expressing affection.” Aziraphale turned away, slightly flustered. 

“That felt--good--ngk--really good. Do you suppose we might do that again sometime?” Raphael willed himself to start breathing again. 

“I don’t see why not. It was rather lovely. I’m afraid not today, though. I must get back to my post before Gabriel realizes I’ve been gone.” Aziraphale straightened his robes, his own cheeks slightly flushed from the kiss. 

“Yeah--ngk--of course. Will I see you tomorrow?” Raphael asked, still rather breathless. 

“Of course, Raphael. Perhaps tomorrow once my reports are done.” Aziraphale gave him a little wave before he pushed off from the asteroid and flew off toward Head Office. 

“I’ll wait for you near the shoulder of Orion.” Raphael smiled at him, golden eyes shining with the light of his stars. 

Aziraphale turned suddenly, blinking back confusion. “Which shoulder?” 

“What?” 

“Right or Left?” Aziraphale pouted in a way that Raphael found utterly adorable and occasionally exasperating.

“Left, angel. Betelgeuse.” Raphael chuckled warmly. 

“Right. Mind how you go.” Aziraphale waved and took off, spreading the pearlescent wings. Raphael watched him until he was nothing more than a speck in the distance. 

* * *

They met the next day, and the day after that for weeks, and Raphael would later remember those early days with Aziraphale as the happiest moments of his life. They would stay locked away, long after he dwelt in a realm of darkness and fire, fueling a secret hope that even a damned wretch could find some sort of happiness, even if he couldn’t be forgiven. 

When practicing kisses seemed not enough and hands began to roam soft curves and sharp angles, they were as innocent as Adam and Eve would be in the first days of Eden. Without any knowledge, they had simply explored each other. They only knew desire to touch and be touched, and resting on a bed Raphael had made of clouds, hands rumpled heavenly robes and carded through hair as they kissed. Aziraphale had remarked that Crowley’s unbound coppery locks were like fire spread out on the pillow. 

When the barrier of the gossamer robes had seemed too much, they had lifted and tugged at, and pushed aside the many-layered garments until finally, they were bare before each other’s eyes. Aziraphale had delighted in following the freckles of Raphael’s face and neck down to the planes of his slender arms and chest. Raphael had cherished Aziraphale’s stomach, taking it between his hands and needing the soft skin, pressing kisses all over it. 

“Are you molding me the way you shape the ether?” Aziraphale had teased. 

“No--a beauty such as this should be worshipped with absolute devotion,” he whispered against his belly, hands tracing circles on his thighs. 

“My dear, I was thinking exactly the same thing about you,” Aziraphale said with a mischievous glint, and he soon found himself below the angel who set out to explore his body almost torturously slowly. 

“Look at these beautiful eyes. All the gold of heaven could never rival them.” Aziraphale kissed his eyelids, moved down to kiss the hollow of his throat. 

* * *

They continued to meet in their secret place among the stars for many weeks, as Aziraphale was recalled to Earth soon, their meetings took on an urgency. Sometimes, they simply flew and let their bodies align, writhing against each other as pleasure crested and peaked or jumped into the other’s arms and drifted weightless in their ecstasy. 

One one of their meetings, Raphael had grasped Aziraphale’s waist in his ecstasy. When he took his hand away, there was a line of silver made by the residue of star stuff that always clung to his hands. When Raphael first saw the mark, he had frowned, mortified to have left a mark on Aziraphale’s beautiful, unblemished skin. 

“I’ll get rid of it for you. I’m sorry.” Raphael closed his eyes, prepared to make the mark disappear. 

Aziraphale placed a firm but gentle hand on his forearm. “You’ll do nothing of the sort. It’s beautiful, and I shall wear it forever.” 

“But--it wasn’t supposed to happen. I just--lost control.” Raphael flushed and stammered. 

“It marks me as yours. It means that I belong to the Starmaker,” Aziraphale whispered, breath warming the shell of Raphael’s ear as he drew him back down for a kiss. 

“It doesn’t hurt you? Does it?” Raphael traced the mark reverently. 

“No. On the contrary, it feels wonderful, like holding the heart of a star.” And with that, Aziraphale began to explore Raphael again, devouring him with more enthusiasm than the fruits of Eden.

  
  


Raphae’s new creations were marked by the light of new love that filled every part of him. The angels remarked that there were more violent convulsions of color and light in the heavens than ever before, filling the sky with beauty. 

* * *

“The Starmaker’s gunning for a promotion,” Sandalphon chuckled as he and Gabriel looked out of a window displaying the workroom. 

The sound of silvery heels announced Michael’s arrival. “Rather odd that he seems to be spending more time out of the office these days if you ask me.” They watched him working and shaping ether with the frenetic movements of a conductor. 

“Perhaps we should be monitoring his movements,” Uriel suggested. “Find out what he’s doing when he’s not on the job.” 

“Raphael’s record is exemplary. I doubt the Almighty would agree to that.” Gabriel had no love for the starmaker, but he did believe in following protocols to the letter. 

“It doesn’t have to be official. We could just--pull some footage for a random audit, and if it happened to involve him, then--” Michael shrugged. 

“I like the way you think. We all agree the starmaker is a threat. Right?” Uriel looked at the archangels around her. They all murmured their assent. 

“If he were to be promoted to Archangel--well, that would completely destroy centuries of angelic hierarchy.” Michael frowned at the monitor where a bright light was forming in the starmaker’s hands. 

“Conduct your search and report back to me.” Gabriel nodded to them and they dispersed, determined the starmaker would fall from grace one way or another, and well, if they happened to give him a push, so much the better. 

* * *

God appeared to Raphael the next time as a beautiful woman of forty or fifty with long black hair covered by a white shawl and warm brown eyes. She would have resembled any other angel, if not for the unmistakable feeling of overpowering grace that clung to her. He bowed, quickly remembering his place. 

“Raphael--stand up. I chose this form so that I might face you in a more--accessible form so that we might talk freely. I grow tired of inhabiting a form no one can look at. Would you walk with me?” 

Raphael stood up and nodded. “Yes, mother. Anywhere.” 

“Good, my child. Take my arm, please.” Raphael rather awkwardly took the offered arm, though he still couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eye. 

“Oh, don’t worry. You won’t disintegrate from touching me. Not in this form.” God chuckled and patted his arm. “I want to show you one of my creations for the humans. It’s still under construction, but I think it will bring them joy.” 

The world around them blurred and then they were walking on a beach next to a great deal of water that ebbed and flowed and made a roaring noise unlike anything Raphael had ever heard. “What is it?” 

“The waters of Earth, the oceans. Filled with all manner of creatures for the humans to enjoy. Your recent work did inspire something rather wonderful, Raphael.” 

As the sun set on the horizon and darkness began to appear, tiny lights appeared along the shoreline in the water, forming tiny constellations. 

“Did you make stars in the water, mother?” Raphael asked, noticing that as he accidentally disturbed one spot, the lights shifted and blinked. 

“Not exactly, but there are tiny creatures here that produce light.” God smiled at him. “What do you think?” 

Raphael smiled back, shyly. “It’s beautiful.” 

“I thought you would like it. My starmaker. I am so very proud of you,” God’s voice became a whisper on the wind, and Raphael found himself back in Heaven, outside the throne room. 

* * *

  
  


Gabriel sat behind his desk, waiting rather irritably for Sandalphon to return from his errand to the Archives with the Heavenly Surveillance records. He’d better be back soon or he might find himself demoted. Violent, Ruthless Sandalphon with his appearance so carefully chosen not to attract attention, made his way into the office with Michael and Uriel in tow. 

“Well? Did you find anything?” Gabriel saw a rather large stack of files he had no intention of reading. He would simply pluck needed information from them using a miracle. It was far more efficient that way. 

“We don’t routinely run surveillance on the Deep Space Construction Zone. There’s never been any need to. Raphael’s been spending excessive amounts of time there over the last few weeks.” Michael grinned triumphantly. 

“He is a starmaker. Remind me why exactly this is out of the ordinary?” Gabriel asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose. 

“We suspect he hasn’t been going there alone.” Sandalphon presented Gabriel with a blurry photo of Aziraphale at the entrance to the star-making floor. “A Principality seems to be fraternizing outside his choir.” 

As much as Gabriel disliked Aziraphale, he didn’t particularly think he was the type of angel to cause trouble. Ordinarily, he stayed under the radar by occasionally distinguishing himself, but generally performing all tasks in a perfectly adequate manner. “I have a couple of minor reprimands on file for him, but nothing to suggest him being any kind of a threat. There could be a completely reasonable explanation. Maybe he was just taking a tour or needed to consult with him for some reason.” 

“Cameras show him entering the building, but he neither one of them ever came out, and we spotted them somewhere around Saturn together last week.” Michael pulled out two more images of the two men walking together. 

Gabriel steepled his fingers and sat back in his chair. “These images are concerning, but there’s nothing distinctly incriminating about them.” 

“Shouldn’t we at least take precautions, research the situation more?” Uriel asked, crossing her arms. 

“Go ahead and pull their files for now and keep monitoring their activities,” Gabriel ordered, dreading the slew of paperwork that would follow. 

* * *

Aziraphale rolled on his side, stretching and grinning at Raphael. “Well, I do say all this practice has made you rather wonderful.” Raphael kissed his shoulder as he caught his breath, coming down from the most marvelous high. 

“Well,” Raphael interlaced their fingers. “I have quite the lovely muse to inspire me. I think we’ve almost got it completely figured out.” 

“Indeed.” Aziraphale looked down at his bare skin and shivered. “I do think we were a bit hasty this time, darling. We really ought to have taken a few moments to conjure a proper bed.” 

“You’ve never complained before,” Raphael smirked and waved a hand, allowing colorful clouds of vapors to envelop him, forming a diaphanous green and golden robe from the ether itself. 

“Oh, it’s lovely. It isn’t official angelic raiment, but it’s a shame I can’t wear this every day.” 

“I wouldn’t mind,” Raphael winked at him. 

“Cheeky bastard. I imagine you wouldn’t. It’s a bit sheer. Doesn’t leave much to the imagination.” Aziraphale posed, and in that moment, he looked like a work of finest art, although it was still millenia before Rubens would be inspired by Aziraphale. 

“Well, if it did, it wouldn’t be half as beautiful.” He grinned and leaned in to kiss Aziraphale soundly. 

“Oh, you insatiable beast,” Aziraphale teased. 

“Last time I checked, you were the insatiable one.” Raphael threw back his head and laughed. 

“Enthusiastic.” 

“How did you know so much about love, anyway?” Raphael asked, shifting the vapors to cover himself as well. 

“I might have read all the scrolls in the archives on the topic.” Aziraphale looked away and fidgeted. 

“Wait--aren’t the archives highly restricted?” Raphael raised an eyebrow. 

“Well--yes, but the archivist quite likes me.” Aziraphale shrugged. “I bring her flowers from Eden and in return, she lets me read anything I like.” 

“You never cease to amaze me.” Raphael grinned, rather delighted by Aziraphale’s tendencies toward being distinctly unangelic. 

* * *

Raphael smiled and bowed low before the Heavenly throne. “Mother--are you pleased with my recent work?” 

“Yes, my starmaker. So many lights to guide the humans’ way now. You know, it’s remarkable, Raphael. I swear when I look at your stars, I can see the love in your creations.” 

“I--I do love you, Mother. I always will.” Crowley smiled and stood up, unable to see her, but feeling the presence that was as endless and unfathomable as the heavens themselves. 

“And I shall always love my dear children.” A soft wind billowed Raphael’s starry mantle, the reminder of his mother’s trust in him, and he felt guilt twisting his insides. 

“Would you love us if we failed? If we let you down?” Raphael looked at the ground, his sandaled feet brushing the golden tiled floor. 

“Oh, my child. You’ve never let me down.”

“But--suppose I did?” 

“Then, I would still love you as one of my children. Is there something you wish to tell me, Raphael?” There was a rumbling chuckle then a wind ruffled his hair. 

Raphael shook his head. “Mother--where will the humans come from?” 

“Ah, a strange question. What brought this on?” 

“Forgive me. I was merely curious. I imagine creating a human is much different than creating a star.” 

“It is indeed, my child.” This time, the voice carried a flicker of amusement. 

“Mother--what happened to the angels that disappeared? They were there and then suddenly they weren’t. Did they--die? Are they coming back?” 

“I think that’s quite enough for today, Raphael.” God’s tone darkened. “You shouldn’t concern yourself with such matters.” 

“Did they do something wrong?” Raphael pressed on despite his better instincts, concerned over the rumors he had heard. 

“That’s enough. No more questions today.” 

Gabriel looked up as a scroll landed on his desk. Looking down at him with crossed arms and a contemptuous smirk. 

* * *

“What’s this?” Gabriel unrolled it with a sigh. 

“Surveillance files for Raphael. Both he and Aziraphale have been away from their posts and they both go missing at the same time. They’re spending too much time together. They could be plotting against heaven itself.” 

Gabriel rubbed his temples. “I can’t act on that information alone.” 

“Raphael has been asking the wrong sort of questions. At least 24 in the last two weeks. This angel is dangerous.” 

Gabriel looked over the list, brow furrowing as he read. “These are--some of these are heretical at best.” 

“Just say the word and I’ll summon the others.” Michael paced the room with the restlessness of a housecat watching a bird it wished to attack from a window. 

“What are you proposing?” Gabriel stood and straightened his robes. 

“A heavenly rendition. We detain him and then cast him out. Before his traitorous nature infects the others.”

Gabriel shook his head. “This paperwork is going to be a nightmare.”

“I thought you’d say that, so I came prepared. Everyone else has signed. It’s just pending your approval.” Michael slid a scroll towards him and pointed to the spot Gabriel should place his seal. “There. Summon the others. 

Gabriel hurriedly stamped the document. “Well, summon the others. Time to take care of this unfinished business.” 

* * *

The angels found him in the dead of night where he was wandering the stars of Alpha Centauri, thinking of Aziraphale and missing him terribly. Even though he did not resist them, the archangels were not gentle with him, especially Sandalphon who took great pleasure in knocking him off his feet. 

“Why are you doing this? What have I done?” Raphael scrambled to get back to his feet, a deafening ringing in his ears. . 

“You’re being detained on suspicion of treason. I’d choose your next words wisely.” Gabriel, the only one who hadn’t gotten his hands dirty, unrolled a scroll and began to read. “Insubordination and questioning the Ineffable plan. Serious charges, Raphael.” 

“I don’t understand. You said--I didn’t mean any harm.” Gabriel grasped his chin in his hands, turning his face up to look at him with unnecessary roughness.

Gabriel shook his head. “I’m disappointed in you, Raphael and so is she.” 

Raphael’s eyes glowed like gold in the furnace with anger and hurt. “You tricked me.” 

“Gabriel released his chin and slapped his cheek lightly. “Archangels don’t lie. I tested you, and you failed.” 

* * *

Raphael’s arms and wings were bound as he was brought before the Almighty’s throne and forced to kneel, the great golden chains causing his joints to ache and weighing heavily on the feathers of his wings, twisting and breaking many of the primaries. “Mother? What have I done wrong? Have I not built you beautiful constellations? Have I not loved you with my whole heart?” 

“Silence! Sandalphon, Michael read his crimes,” Gabriel ordered, rather eager for the sentencing. 

“Why isn’t our Mother here? I want to speak with her. Please.” Raphael raised his bound hands, wrists rubbed raw by the chains, as if in prayer.

“She has more important things to do than deal with traitors like you,” Sandalphon replied, pressing a smiting rod against his jaw and turning his head with the end of it. 

“We could arrange for the Metatron if you like.” Uriel crossed her arms. “Or you could face what you’ve done and we can get this over with.” 

“I don’t want to talk to the bloody Metatron. I want to talk to Her!” Raphael shouted, not caring in that moment whether it hurt his case. He knew this wasn’t a trial, it was a sentencing. 

“That’s not the way this works.” The violet eyes were cold and contemptuous as he watched Raphael. 

“The Angel Raphael has been found guilty of Questioning the Almighty and Her Ineffable Plan,” Sandaphon read. “This traitorous act is punishable by hellfire or being cast out of heaven.” 

“The Almighty has chosen to be merciful with you, Raphael. “ Uriel walked forward. “You won’t be executed, but this is your last day in Heaven. Just be glad Gabriel decided to go easy on your little boyfriend this time.” 

“Aziraphale--Look, cast me out. Kill me even, but don’t hurt him. He’s innocent.” Raphael strained against his restraints, searching the room for any sign of Aziraphale. 

“Relax, Loverboy. We wiped his memory of all the events. Sort of like restoring him to factory settings. He won’t remember you ever existed.” Michael tugged at his chains, causing him to slump over and bite his lip hard enough to draw blood as some of the smaller bones in his wings broke under the strain. 

“No---” Raphael began to weep. Every moment of joy, the day they met, their first walk among the stars, their first kiss, the first time they made love, all were gone. As if they never happened. 

“Please,” he whispered, “Take my memories too.” It would be easier never to know he had loved, to commit himself to Hell and become an anonymous demon. 

Michael tipped his chin up with a gentleness clashing with the cruelty in her eyes. “Oh, no, darling. I’m afraid you’re going to remember  _ everything. _ ” 

Tears burned his eyes, streamed down sharp cheekbones darkened by bruises. “We didn’t even get to say Goodbye.” 

“The Almighty did have one last request of you, Raphael. She wants you to create one last star for her.Your final act as star maker.” 

The beaten angel lifted his eyes toward the heavens. Perhaps it was a test,a last chance to save himself. “What? Why?” 

“Haven’t you learned by now not to ask questions, Raphael?” Gabriel came closer, waved a hand, and released his hands, leaving his wings bound. “Now, get on with it.” 

Crawling to his feet, the starmaker, stood, body shaking from exhaustion and closed his eyes, whispering in a soft and broken tone in angelic language that has long since been lost. Clouds of vapors danced swirled around him, billowing his mantle and hair. His eyes glowed as if they were twin stars as he summoned the perfect combination of ether to forge the core of a star, If the other stars were vessels for his love, this one was a vessel for anguish. The core glowed fiery red as his hands moved, great sweeping gestures lacking finesse. Fire roiled on its surface like the eruption of volcanoes. When the star was finished, Raphael collapsed onto his knees, his angelic grace already fading. Knowing nothing about star-making, the archangels thought it was a rather impressive demonstration. Perhaps it was a last act of defiance, perhaps simply the result of a being in pain, but whatever the cause, that star would implode one day, creating a black hole that would devour matter around it like a demon searching for anything to fill the void left when Her love was ripped away. 

“Bravo, Raphael! That was really--something. Pity, it won’t save you.” Gabriel shook his head and stamped a form with his official seal.

“We’ll need this back. You won’t need it where you’re going.” Michael replaced the bonds on his wrists and tore the mantle from his shoulders, dissolving it back to starstuff. 

Gabriel leered at him. “There is another matter. Your wings.” 

“No--you wouldn’t! Just for asking questions?” Crowley paled, knowing no help would come, and closed his eyes as Michael approached wielding a flaming sword. 

* * *

Aziraphale stood by a waterfall in Eden near the Tree of Life. It resembled an ordinary apple tree in most regards, except the apples were the most beautiful shade of red, never bruised, and never fell prey to insects, disease, or decay. 

Aziraphale had eaten several of them and could confirm that they were delicious. Celestial beings were free to eat from the Tree of Life without risk of harm or punishment unlike the humans. The pockets of Aziraphale’s robes were quite full of nectarines and apricots and more of the divine strawberries as he dug his feet into the soft grass of Eden and let the sun warm him. He hoped the humans would be very happy in the garden. 

Something felt wrong for a moment. Dizziness made him sway on his feet, and he struggled to recall--anything. He had been very eager for his leave, but he couldn’t recall exactly why. He thought perhaps there was someone waiting for him to return, but that was preposterous because he had been stationed in Eden and before that, he had only interacted with angels of his choir. 

Aziraphale felt a twinge and clutched his side, but when he lifted his robe to examine the area, he found no wound, nothing at all. Lowering his robes again, Aziraphale shook his head, and went on to explore more of the delightful garden before the humans arrived.


End file.
